So, what is writing "good enough"?
I talked to my Pdoc (psychiatrist) the other day about how I don't just want to be good at things, but excellent at them. I don't just want to write, I want to get published; I want to earn awards at school, which makes me discount when individual students thank me for helping them, etc. (I'm sorry students, it's not that you're not important or good enough! It's my problem!)
Dr. Jura suggested that I look around at what is held as the standard definition of good and then reduce it ten percent.
I would love to be doing things good enough rather than try to be the best, especially as I'm the best only in my dreams. I would love to write "just for myself" -- much less strain, much fewer down moments. But I don't seem to be able to settle for "good enough", especially to writing. I associate love with accomplishment, and I want to feel loved. (Yes, Richard loves me, but my inner child is a voracious monster who needs love every moment of every day.) I want to earn being loved (I didn't grow up with unconditional love). I want to --
I obviously have a values conflict here between "I want to win" and "I want to be accepted on my own merits. I need to resolve it.
I'll be back to creative excerpts tomorrow.
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