The first and most important reason is that when I quit, my characters call me back until it becomes an obsession. The less I write, the more ideas pop in my head. Or ideas on how to edit an old story to make it better haunt me (I'm probably ready to embark on the sixth iteration of editing Gaia's Hands.)
The second reason I write is because I want to be read. I want people to see my characters and what they go through. I want them to fall as much in love with my characters as I do. I may never get read. Currently I'm putting some of my short stories on Wattpad, because I want to attract readers. I don't know if I will, honestly. I don't know how to attract people to my stuff, and both agents' slush lists and Wattpad are stuffed with hundreds of books from people who were told "the world needs your books".
The third reason? Maybe I need more friends. I am currently in the large group of people for whom social media is an attempt at social contact. We count likes on Facebook, votes on Kindle Scout, comments on Wattpad, and followers on Twitter as if these likes translate into a real sense of belongingness, safety, esteem, and love -- all of which live on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:
I am one of the many people out there for which friendship is a problematic construct. It may be because I'm neurodivergent; others I know who are neurologically different report the same things: the difficulty in doing small talk (such as remembering to ask after someone's kids), the feeling like one's breaking unwritten rules; the general sense of the moment when 'keeping it real' silences a room; overhearing the word "weird", "crazy", or "different" when referring to you. (I didn't overhear these; I've seen them on my course evaluations as well as "all over the place").
I have a few close friends who also hate small talk, and after the "how are you doing?" question, we talk about politics, explore our similarities and differences, laugh, drink coffee, and shine. I have friends on Facebook, with some friendships spanning thirty years, but I can't feel the glow of those conversations. I love them anyhow.
I've tried to meet these needs (especially esteem -- notice that's not just self-esteem) through trying to get published, envying the kinship popular writers have enjoyed with their fans. For whatever reason, this is not in the cards for me. So now what I need is to find other ways to get those needs met.
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