Valentine's Day is coming up in the US, and never was there a more problematic holiday. A holiday originally devoted to sending a sweet note to one's significant other, it has devolved into a sense of pecuniary* duty to one's partner and, in some cases, a nuclear arms race of materialism.
For example, a sign in Maryville's downtown: If you really loved her, you'd get her a limo ride. To "love" her, then, you have to 1) spend money 2) on luxury goods. Facebook at about this time consists largely of women posting what their significant others got them for Valentine's Day, and the competition makes me sad.
My news correspondent from China, Yunhao, points out that this dynamic exists in China, perhaps even in a more amped-up version, because of the relative shortage of females there. Women can expect more because there are fewer of them. Nobel Prize-winning economist Gary Becker referred to the matching of partners through skills, resources, and shortages "the marriage market". Perhaps we can call the Valentine's Day dynamic "the reassurance market".
Perhaps Valentine's Day is roughest to single people. After all, the day is marketed to lovers, spouses, partners and the like. I've been single most of my life, because in assortative mating (Becker's marriage market) I have too many of the wrong skills -- the presumably male skills of high education, intelligence, and a career -- and not enough of the right skills -- the presumably female skills of a stunning body and long hair. Valentine's Day felt like a candy store that others were allowed into but I was not. The best Valentine's Day I had as a single was in grad school when a couple of my friends got into the spirit and gave me a white rose (Dave, thanks!) and a mylar balloon (sorry I don't remember who that was!) True to the use of Valentine's Day tokens as visible proof that one was "taken", my fellow grad students wanted to know who my boyfriend was.
I would love to see Valentine's Day change. Instead of being a marketing ploy for everything from chocolate to diamonds, I would like to see it become a holiday of generosity to friends and family -- and partners. Of course, if this developed, it would have to happen the day after Valentine's Day --
National Half-Price Chocolate Day
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* pecuniary -- having to do with money. One of my favorite words.
Ahhh, yes, the Hallmark Holiday that creates guilt if you don't give material gifts and creates anxiety if you don't receive material gifts. I like your idea to be generous with self. Reach out, connect, fill a real psychological need---make the world whole, healthy, well. And why wait for a holiday to do so. Do it everyday and the world will change.
ReplyDeleteI must now think about how I can reach out and connect more. But that's exactly what my thought process is about. I do distribute chocolate for National Half-Price Chocolate Day!
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion the day seems to point out who is not romantically paired up with someone. It becomes the most painfully obvious when you are in middle school and highschool. You are stuck in the confines of crowded hallways, classrooms, and lunch rooms. Alive -with the deafening droning of the constant sound of people. You cant escape the outrageous displays of declared love that will go on until eternity....or maybe perhaps until next week and someone else catches the fickle eyes of one of the enamored pair.
ReplyDeleteYou can decide how that day goes for you. You can make it a day to bestow love and tokens of affection to your friends who love you always no matter what.
This is Lanetta