I haven't written in two weeks.

I'm still trying to sort out my relationship with writing.

If' you've followed this blog for long enough, you'll know that I've said this so many times that you figure I'm crying wolf. You're probably right -- I say this when I'm deeply depressed and I can't shoulder any more stress and I don't want to think of those hundred-some rejections I've received so far in my life.

Here are the questions I need to consider:

1) Why do I write? I think with me, it's complicated:

• 30% because I have ideas
• 20% because I want to improve as a writer
• 30% because I want people to read my stuff
• 10% because I want my world view (diversity, nonviolence, interdependence) to further get a toehold in the mainstream
• 10% because I want to get published.

What makes this complicated is that it will take getting published for people to read my stuff; it will take an editor to improve my writing; it will take getting published mainstream to get those ideas looked at in the mainstream.

2) Would I be comfortable being self-published?

Likely not. The great thing about self-publishing is that anyone can do it. The bad thing is that everyone does, regardless of talent. I've read a selection of self-published books -- Cassandra Bruington, your memoir was awesome. The romance novels -- lowest common demoninator, not written well --  the exception is when one of my favorites Robin D. Owens self-publishes, and she's a professionally published author with a large number of romance fantasy books. And then there's the others -- writing that could best be described as barely developing the plot outline, plot lines that only exist to justify a book-long sex scene, and the occasional Twilight clone. In the first scene of one book, which had the promising title of King of the Gypsies, the author was obviously getting too turned on by the antagonist's thoughts upon watching the woman he was going to rape and kill. I had to take a bath after reading that chapter.

I don't like my chances of getting read in this scenario.

3) Would it help to take a break?

It wouldn't hurt -- I have six completed novels, two novels in progress, and two non-fiction ideas in progress. 

4) What about that editor?

We're going to see what we can afford when the income tax return comes in.

5) Will you still write this blog?

If you'll still read it. Let me know what kind of posts you like to read. (I know you all love to read Marcie, but Marcie will continue to guest-write rather than take over this blog. She has homework to do, and she keeps insisting she's writing her first novel of ten pages.)