Just a quick thank-you for listening. I know I've been writing pretty heavy stuff lately (except for Marcie segments), but I write from the heart, and that is where my heart is right now. It will not last forever, nor will it end in heartbreak. I have a purpose in life, even if I don't know what it is right now.
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Last night, I decided to do a guided meditation. I suggested to my walking mind that I find a safe place, and I ended up in a forest, a fantasy forest as if illustrated by a gifted child. The forest was full of huge trees with plump purple trunks that grew so tall I couldn't see their branches. Pillowy moss grew underneath.
I sat, huddling against the immense trunk of a tree.
What do you need? A voice, a mother's voice but so much not my mother's.
"I don't need anything. I take care of myself." Even as a child, I saved myself. There were never any princes to rescue me. I shifted against the rough, black-grooved bark of the tree.
I love you.
"That's what you say. Of course you love me. You're me. I know how guided meditation works."
Yes, but that's where all things start.
"What can you do for me?" I snapped. I asked for little; I demanded even less. "Can you make this hurt go away?"
I can be there for you. I can remind you you're never alone.
"Of course you can. You're me. That makes me feel worse rather than better." There I sat, in an imaginary forest, having a conversation with myself.
But I'm always here. Who else can say that? When it's three in the morning, or everyone else is busy, or they don't understand what you need, I'm here for you.
"I guess that makes sense."
I curled up and fell asleep under the trees.
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