Serious setback

I'm struggling today -- struggling in a "I don't know if I want to keep doing this" way. I don't know what I need from you, dear readers. Bear with me.

I did not reach my goal today. I only made it half-way there. I will struggle to get there tomorrow, if I get there at all.

Today, a friend of a friend who was supposed to edit the first three chapters of my book said something in the guise of advice that has made me feel, more than anything, like giving up:

"A reader is a simple organism.  We expect A, will be happy with B, will grudgingly accept C, and all the other letters are crap.  Stereotypes and tropes exist for a reason.  No matter what someone says about wanting pure original stories, they will get pissed off if the wizard doesn't carry a staff."  

I know I can get a bit sensitive about criticism. But usually, I can step aside and say, "Yeah, that needs work," and I can get to work. I'll be the first to admit that my words are too big and I need help in pacing the plot. I read advice to writers and implement it the best I can.

But the above comment basically tells me that my viewpoint is not valued, my voice is just wrong, and I have to write at the level of The Flintstones to get published.

I could live with "write at the level of The Flintstones to get published" if that were all that was said. I would keep writing my stuff and not publish it. End of problem.

But the rest of it tears into my very soul.  I do not want to be known for writing Islamic terrorists, white saviors, and Fu Manchu.  I also don't expect to write stereotypes in terms of "the repressed but sexy librarian", "the rugged action hero", and "the desperate sexless nerd." I expect my characters to be three-dimensional. I in fact try to write outside these stereotypes.

As for tropes, it's impossible to write without them -- Every story I've ever written touches on self-discovery, which is a trope called The Hero's Journey. (Some argue that everything written is the Hero's Journey, but I'm skeptical.) I've written in "boy meets girl, boy loves girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back after 150 years" trope. Obviously I subvert tropes.

I firmly believe that words are so important that writers have to choose them carefully. Words have the magic to change perceptions or to freeze them into cages. I believe that roles are held by well-formed characters and stereotypes hold characters hostage.

The worst part, though, is that I can't even conceive of what this man was talking about. He might have been talking in a different language about a world I didn't live in.

When I write a book, I don't say, "Hey, let's put the clever and debonair robber and the stupid cop and the clueless but hot woman in and first the robber breaks into the bank in a tension-filled scene, and then he sneaks the money out right under the nose of the cop, who chases him, and he carjacks this fast car and the clueless woman falls in love with him." I don't shop at "Tropes r Us" to find a plot.

When I write a story, it's like I have these characters, and yes, I deliberately pick them so that they don't fall into stereotypes, because people who aren't white, beautiful, and upper class deserve to have adventures and fall in love (this is why I can't write romance novels). I write a plot, and the chapters take me traveling through the plot.

I travel with the characters in my mind when I'm writing, seeing the same things and experiencing the same events they do. It's an intense immersion process (and the only time I can actually visualize). This is how I write. It's like I'm creating the world I want to live in in the remains of the world I live in, right before my eyes.

In fact, I have trouble editing my books because I don't get the same intensity I got when I wrote them. Honestly, I don't know if what I'm doing is readable. That's the problem -- I honestly don't, because when I get to the editing stage I see that it all makes sense, everything follows logically -- but I can't tell if the pacing is right and I really can't tell if anyone besides me would find it interesting.

Notes: I have trouble finding beta-readers. Am saving up for an editor who has more experience, but I'm so afraid that I'm going to keep getting critiques of what I am and not what I need to improve.

Thank you for listening.