This is probably a rerun from way back when, but:
Sometimes I wonder why I put my books out there.
Ask any writer after a rejection, and you'll probably hear the same misgivings. I myself been rejected by so many agents that I thought I'd get over this. I haven't.
I think the two things that keep me from quitting are: 1) my short memory, and 2) noting the negatives -- cognitive distortions -- are not real.
Cognitive distortions
Cognitive distortions are statements we make to ourselves to define our reality -- but in actuality just make us miserable. (Positive Psychology.com. 2019)
For example, I just went through an online pitch contest where writers try to get attention from agents about their books. I did not succeed. So I combined this with all the rejections I've gotten and started talking to myself like this:
"I'm a bad writer."
"Nobody likes my writing."
"I'll never get published."
These are all examples of cognitive distortions.
"I'm a bad writer." -- All or nothing thinking. "I'm either perfect or bad." Also labeling.
"Nobody likes my writing." -- Mind reading. How do I know this?
"I'll never get published." -- Fortune-telling. If I can predict the future, can't I win the lottery?
In reality, I can't predict the future, Nor can I be the worst writer ever if I got through college. I can name people who have liked my writing. These realizations are known as contradictions.
How to start:
It helps to write this down on paper. Here are the steps:
1) Write down the thoughts that are bothering you
2) Identify the cognitive distortions. If you look for "cognitive distortions" on Google, you will find many sources. My favorite resource is here.
3) Come up with an alternative thought:
"I'm a bad writer." -- "There are people better and worse than me"
"Nobody likes my writing." -- "I have had short fiction and poetry published"
"I'll never get published." -- "Never is a long time; and if you never get published, it might have nothing to do with you"
4) The important question: what is my next action?
When your mind is clear, you can determine your next move to live your life most authentically.
What now?
Get the list of cognitive resources and the PDF journaling sheets at the site below. Do this when you're feeling negative about life. Keep it up. After a while, you'll only need to do this as a reminder.
Positive Psychology.com.(2019). Cognitive distortions: When your brain lies to you (+ PDF Worksheets). Available:
https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/ [January 14, 2020]
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