Once upon a time, I wrote because I desperately needed to be heard.
I don't feel that pressure so much anymore. I think that it took working with a developmental editor to let that go, because I realized that I could act like a professional and take writing seriously without someone bestowing a first-place ribbon on my work. In other words, I don't need to be published to prove anything.
But now that the immediate, inner child's need to be heard is no longer applicable, I'm wondering if it's truly worth it to get published.
I have heard from agents that they're getting 500 queries a day. This means all they can do is skim them and pick what "jumps out" at them. I could be an excellent writer, but because I'm not prone to sensationalism, what I write may not "jump out". I think I need to accept that.
I may never get published. I say this dispassionately -- the odds are very poor, no matter how good a writer I am, no matter how much I publish. If I get a foot in the door, I may get more published because I will be a recognizable commodity. But right now, Prodigies (my most polished/edited piece) has gotten four rejections and I just sent it out.
I don't know where that leaves me relative to writing or publishing. I currently have almost no free time because when I'm not working, I'm writing. I'm feeling uninspired.
I may need to rethink whether this is my calling.
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