Inching closer to self-publishing

I am closer -- much closer -- to self-publishing.


 I would be giving up a dream. Traditional publishing is my big dream, I think, because it's external validation. Someone gives you a big shiny star, someone picks you for the dodgeball team. I was always the last one chosen for the dodgeball team. This might be why I have a dysfunctional relationship with the whole traditional publishing process -- I want to be picked for the team and I still end up on the sidelines.

I'm still not easy about self-publishing, because I don't know how to get people to read my book. I can't just plop my book on the virtual bookshelf next to the other million people on the virtual bookshelf and expect people to read it. The quality of the books on the virtual bookshelf vary from very good to very poor, because not all people who self-publish go through the dev editor and beta-reader process like I do. How do people figure out what's good to read? The rating system. How do books get read in the first place so they can earn those stars? Advertising and self-promotion.

I have to figure out how to self-promote, hoping I can get someone to read what I have to offer. I wish someone could do that for me, but I don't anticipate having any money to pay for that.  Even offering it for free -- you can do this sometimes, but if you make it free all the time people think you're giving it away because you have to.

I feel a certain peace, now, thinking of self-publishing. My career doesn't end with the rejections. I am not trapped on the sidelines of the dodgeball game. I will wait out the rest of the queries I still have out -- rejections or six months out, whichever comes first. Then, if no agents take me on, I will self-publish Prodigies. And hope for the best.