and love is my protection.
This is my mantra when my thoughts say ugly things to me. Negative self-talk is ingrained in the mind to be triggered when emotions pull us below zero. It hollows out my sadness until it is a gaping maw to devour me.
I am surrounded by love,
and love is my protection.
Negative self-talk is learned -- by parents, by experiences, by other trusted adults. I experienced extensive bullying, emotional abuse, sexual assault and rape, conditional love. I have learned to devalue myself.
I am surrounded by love,
and love is my protection.
My self-talk tends to tell me that I'm no good, nobody has ever loved me, and everyone thinks I'm weird. My mind believes that I am helpless and powerless and that everything bad that happens to me is still my fault. Most of the time I can keep these insinuations at bay, but when I feel negative emotions, the negative self-talk gnaws at me, spiraling down so that I reside at the bottom of a dank well.
I am surrounded by love,
and love is my protection.
I don't know if the words are true, but when I say them, I feel loved and protected. I don't know if it's my mind is soothing me now, if I'm making a prayer to a higher power, or if one can actually feel love from people far away. It doesn't matter -- my mantra is making me whole again.
For everyone who has endured abuse there is that element of the negative voice that wants to keep you in that state of emotional pain. It is very real and is very destructive. Healing can come through therapy but you have to be ready to face the pain again to release it and let it go.
ReplyDeleteThis is Lanetta
The mental voice feels safe with the way things have always been. Change is frightening. Every time I think I'm over fighting, I have to start again. But at least it gives me a sense of empathy.
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