Society treats loneliness like a character flaw: "You're lonely? What are you doing sitting around? Go out and meet people." As if a birding club will remedy the ache in one's heart.
Ironically, loneliness is inevitable in today's society. Our jobs take us far from our families, and often cause us to move before we've settled us into a place. Unless we buy a home, and often we can't afford buying a home, we live in apartments where our neighbors move in and out. We spend our free time online, where we measure our friendships by "likes" and seldom have deep conversations. We meet our potential partners by swiping right, judging them by a picture and a blurb.
We spend our quiet times nursing the ache in our hearts.
In our solitude, we attribute our loneliness to personal flaws. We come up with erroneous reasons for our loneliness, isolating us further: We are too much this, not enough that. We are strange. We are not worthy. Our isolation increases.
We can ease our loneliness, perhaps even with the facile "go out and meet people" that society offers, but it will be hard work because we are swimming against the isolating currents of our society:
Sit in public places, even if you sit alone. Turn your attention outward, again and again. Say hi to people who notice you. Ask to pet people's dogs.
When the sting of loneliness eases a bit, find reasons to be around people. Volunteer. Find a group that's exploring something you're interested in. You will not like everyone you meet in these opportunities, and that's okay. The object is not to find one person who will keep you from being lonely, but to help you see that you are part of humanity. Friendship will come later as you find yourself in proximity with people you click with.
We were meant to be with people, even if our society makes that harder, even if our beliefs about ourselves and our loneliness make that harder.
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