The person with resilience as a trait recovers from being let go from a job by planning to regain employment rather than falling into helplessness. They recover from life-altering trauma stronger than before. They star in our inspirational stories, and we admire them for their blossoming in the face of adversity, their ability to bounce back.
We need to remember two things about resilience. The first one, as the APA (2019) reminds us, is that resilience is a common trait. People in general have displayed this trait countless times, after major disasters such as Hurricane Katrina; terrorist attacks such as 9/11 and Oklahoma City, as well as during common events such as illness, death of a loved one, and loss of a job.
The other thing we need to remember is that resilience is fostered by a series of internal and external factors. The biggest factor in resilience, according to the APA (2019) is "caring and supportive relationships both inside and outside the family". This is not a small thing; people need other people to make sense of adversity and tragedy.
Other factors include:
· The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to
carry them out.
· A positive view of yourself and confidence in your
strengths and abilities.
· Skills in communication and problem solving.
· The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses. (APA, 2019).
To become resilient, we can work to develop these
networks and skills. Those of us with disordered childhoods or other challenges
may choose to see a therapist to get coaching on how to develop these skills,
and we should view counseling as a positive.
We can also contribute to others’ resilience by
providing that community support needed to foster resilience. As such, we need
to embrace people in their messiness and neediness, allowing them the process
of bouncing back from their crises and challenges. As much as we want to take
the pain of the crisis or challenge away from someone, our role may simply be to
listen and hold space for that person.
Resilience is not a rare gift. It is a key aspect of
our humanity, to be nurtured and developed.
American Psychological Association (APA) (2019). The road to
resilience. Available: https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience
[March 12, 2019].
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