The difference between a dream and a goal, however, is a plan. At this point the plan depends on two different external factors -- whether the college will be hiring for someone in my position or whether I will wait for the way to open, as we Quakers say, and if it doesn't, I wasn't supposed to live in Oneonta.
Meanwhile, I am working to make the best of my life now. What have I missed about Oneonta? An atmosphere where differences are accepted, if not embraced. A place where I can be myself and feel accepted. In other words, in words misattributed to Thomas Paine, "I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."
I feel like I haven't gotten this in Maryville, but how correct are my observations? I have experienced reactions that feel like censorship when I talk about my bipolar disorder, for example, but I have also received support, mostly over Facebook from my Facebook friends, many of whom are in psychology and social work. I have felt awkward talking to people here, because I feel passionate about writing and the obsession of the day, but I felt awkward in Oneonta because I was the only one around me not passionate about something (other than winemaking, which was my thing while I was in Oneonta).
As much a haven as Oneonta has been, I didn't start writing in earnest until I had spent some time in Maryville, where the writer's circle skews children's, Christian's, and cookbooks. (I'm literally scared to go to their meetings because my works question the current state of Christianity, as do I)
Do I really need a haven? Or do I need to push against something to create and grow? Do I need to feel like an iconoclast? An outsider? I don't know; I'm thinking.
And in the meantime, maybe Maryville is the best thing for me because I don't have what I need here.
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