Tuesday, August 21, 2018

The ugliest truths about the fairest of them all

Our fairy tales can destroy us.

If you think of it, fairy tales are usually not about fairies per se, but about magical thinking: "If only I were __________________ (for males, powerful, strong or rich; for females, beautiful -- it's pretty limiting, isn't it?) then __________________ (happily ever after).

In other words, if we're not happily ever after, it's because we're not (for males, powerful, strong, or rich; for females, beautiful) enough. We're not enough.

The implications of fairy tales get uglier, though. Beautiful women get rescued from evil stepmothers, ravenous wolves, and wicked witches. By implication, if women are left in harmful and abusive situations, they're not beautiful enough. And women who find their own ways out are not honored with stories. (To be fair, recent Disney fairy tales, among others, have found ways to honor strong heroines. But they're still beautiful, and a guy is still involved in the picture.)

The most basic, ugliest implication of fairy tales is this: If you are beautiful, someone will love you. If you are not beautiful, you will not be loved. Obviously, in real life, people who are not beautiful find true love, and many beautiful people get stuck in superficial relationships whose narratives sell movies and other media. But we still stick to the fairy tales as informing human experience.

What if we didn't have to be beautiful, strong, powerful, or rich to be loved? What if we didn't have to do anything but be ourselves to be loved?

Why aren't fairy tales like that?

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