Friday, December 7, 2018

Struggling

I got three rejections yesterday.


I don't know how much more of this I can take, though. It's very disturbing to write something, work through  multiple edits and editors only to find that it doesn't connect with the agents.

I still have about 19 queries out, and I could (and probably will) write a few more. But since this is the last substantive edit I can make on the document, this will be the last time I can send it out. And Prodigies is what I consider my best marketability wise.

I go through waves of pessimism ("I'm never going to get published, why try?") and optimism ("I still have queries out") When I think of what I will do once I get this book and Voyageurs queried (It's still in edit)  if no queries pan out, when I think of how much time and effort and money I've put into what I hoped would be a second career at retirement (I've got a while, but ...) it's heartbreaking.

That's how I feel right now -- heartbroken.

But then I get waves of optimism, and I don't know whether to trust them. Should I pay attention to optimism, or is it just stringing out the inevitable moment where I find I can't go any farther? I don't know.

I will keep trying for a while. I will probably quit if I query the new improved Voyageurs and it doesn't succeed. I'll send the rest of my queries for Prodigies. Then I'll reassess.

I don't know if the problem is my pessimism or my optimism.

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