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Translate to Polish: "How dare you molest that young man"
I might have missed a couple.
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I don't ever want to be famous. As an American, this statement is almost sacrilege. I want to be competent at what I do. I want people to read my message. But I do not want to be famous. This is why:
Fame costs too much.
What do I mean by that? I mean that I am what one might call neurodiverse. What that means is that my brain does not see the world the way other people's do. People termed neurodiverse include 1) people on the autism spectrum, 2) people with mental health disorders, and 3) people with cognitive differences. (My classmates in school believed me to be 1) and 3); my doctor has diagnosed me as 2) ).
People who are neurodiverse are often termed "weird". I have been termed "weird", although nowadays that's tempered by "intelligent". This is what people call "weird": even with medicine, I come off as exuberant and a little mystical. I dream books. I talk to dragonflies. I fall in love all the time but ask nothing of it. I want to learn your stories, all of you. I love everyone. Everything positive, nerdy, inspiring amuses me.
Sometimes, even with my medication, I can get depressed. I can think I'm the most unworthy person in the world and want to disappear, and nothing anyone says will change that.
Fame costs too much. Why?
Hiding who I am to look "normal" costs me. It wraps me in a bundle of "not-okayness". Can you imagine my exuberance peeking through in an administration job, or a corporate job? I already get looked at askance when I giggle in a Faculty Senate meeting because I'm enchanted with a new project. I would promise more than I could deliver in a layoff because I would hurt for those people. I would not lose weight to have a professional photo taken, and I would not try to look my age. I would want to have that picture taken with one of my cats. I would fight tooth and nail to stay approachable. I would talk to the dragonfly in your presence and explain why I had.
People can look at neurodiverse me and say, "Wow, she's a little out there." (This has happened). They can call me the R-word (this has happened). They can say, "If she became a professor, so can I" (I hope they've said this). They can say, "She's weird in a good sort of way" (on a course evaluation, honestly).
They can say, "She's like me, so I don't have to be a corporate or fashion or administrative drone". This is true, but you may have to give up fame to accept your humanity.
Fame comes in many different ways-the conventional fame being adored or hounded by the media for some kind of talent or problem you created. Then there is the fame of being "liked" by nearly everyone who has happened to have met you because you have that sparkle that everyone seems to want have. Yes it can be tiring and demanding to be in the bright spot light of fame. Do you have to stop being the person you are...no of course not because those little quirks to your personality are what make you the person that your true friends love. If other people don't embrace you just smile and move on...they would not value you for who you are-they will only seek to use you for what they can get out of you. This is Lanetta
ReplyDeleteYou've put this wonderfully, especially the part that I didn't, where being famous may mean being used by someone. This is perhaps the worst part about fame, the whole "how can I use this person" or "what can I get out of this person". I'd rather hear "What can I learn from this person" or "What can I ask from this person". Those things don't sound mercenary or narcissistic.
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