Interrogating the Dream

I get my ideas for writing from my dreams (I'm pretty sure I've already told you that). This post regards the first book I wrote and the dream that first tripped me into writing. 

The writing I post today is not the dream itself. I will not post the actual dream, because it, like many dreams, concerns a lodge frozen in the 70's and run by Mennonites, an underground world with the white plastic walls of a gas station bathroom, and random sex with a stranger. 

I couldn't get the dream out of my head (blame middle age) so I decided to analyze it, beginning with a Gestalt method -- "Talk about the dream from the viewpoint of the mint green Formica countertop" etc Then I switched to interrogating the dream by asking questions of the characters: "Who are you and why did you get involved with this? What did you feel at the time? What would you like me to know about you?"

This process resulted in a snippet of dialogue. Note that this dialogue didn't make it into the book (It's a little too dreamy) but a book grew out of the relationship these two characters have. The book is not romance, and has only oblique references to sex. But here's a snippet of my creative process, "Interrogating the Dream":

*****

Josh dreamed that night. The scene was a battered wooden stage made up as a living room with a beige couch, a side table cluttered with books, and an easy chair. Jeanne sat on the chair; the lights were set relatively low to simulate a relaxing evening. The mood, however, was anything but relaxed.  The dream unfolded, a disturbing play starring him and Jeanne. When he woke up, he pulled out his ever-present notebook, and transcribed the dream as a script:

A SIMPLE, BUT COMFORTABLE LIVING ROOM. THE FURNITURE IS A COUCH WITH A SIDE TABLE AND AN EASY CHAIR.

Jeanne sits on the couch, leaning forward, holding a piece of paper. She wears a black sweater and wears her hair down.

                                     JOSH (VOICEOVER)

I'm sorry. I'm afraid I hurt you.

                                     JEANNE

It's okay. I just feel strange about it.

                                     JOSH (V.O.)

I think I took away your choice.

                                     JEANNE

No. I could have stopped you. I don't know why I didn't.

                                     JOSH (V.O.)

I don't know why I did it. I was sleepwalking. I was hungry.

                                     JEANNE

This scares me. It's too dark.

                                     JOSH (V.O.)

I want to bring this into the light. I'll find you.

Josh walks onto the stage. He wears a red shirt with the Chinese symbol "ai" and jeans. He sits on the couch, Jeanne stands up and begins to pace, stopping to turn to him when she delivers her lines.

                                    JEANNE

How old are you?

                                    JOSH

I'm 20.

                                   JEANNE

That worries me. You're fragile.

                                   JOSH

Why do you say that?

                                  JEANNE

You're so young.

                                   JOSH

I'm young. I'm short.  I've had to develop more strength than most. Remember who asked to bring this into the light.

                                  JEANNE

Why leave me a note when you were right outside?

                                  JOSH

Strangely, words have more power when you have to read them.

                                 JEANNE

How so?

                                 JOSH

I say words and they're ephemeral. They only stay as long as your memory lets them. I write them, and they're there for you to reread.

                                JEANNE

What if I throw away the paper?

                                JOSH

Your conscience remembers why you threw away the paper. The words remain.

Jeanne stops pacing and faces him on the couch.

                               JEANNE

Let's bring this into the light.

                               JOSH

Okay. Let's do it.

                              JEANNE

Why did you -- I don't understand what happened.

                               JOSH

I know. I thought I was dreaming. Until the end. This is not how I wanted my first time to be. I wanted my first time to be slower. I wanted to freeze time; I wanted to register every pressure, every breath. I wanted to see your face.

Jeanne sits on the couch next to Josh.

                             JEANNE

Some first times are ludicrous, some are hurried, some are drunken, and some are rape.

                             JOSH

What was your first time like?

                            JEANNE

Mine was rape.

                             JOSH

How could someone --

                            JEANNE

Two someones. I was thirteen. It's long past.

                            JOSH

Oh my God. I'm sorry.

                           JEANNE

I shouldn't have told you.

                           JOSH

Why not?

                          JEANNE

You're so damn young.

                          JOSH

I'm not so sure of that. I think you're younger than me sometimes, inside. And maybe I'm ancient, like a tree. And maybe sometimes I can give shelter.

Jeanne turns away.

                         JEANNE

I can't accept your offer. You're too damn young.

Jeanne stands and turns to Josh.

                        JEANNE

What do you want from me?

                        JOSH

I want you to accept me for who I am.

                       JEANNE

So who are you?

                        JOSH

I was quiet and easily overlooked. I fell in love with my anger, fell into darkness. Until I watched a storm -- I saw lightning split a tree. I realized I was the tree as well as the storm. I had to ask myself what the tree needed.

                      JEANNE

What did the tree need?

                      JOSH

To be allowed to be.

Jeanne walks across the stage and addresses the audience.

                    JEANNE

It's all backwards. We should have gotten the chance to say "this is who I am" first.

Josh stands and walks toward her.

                     JOSH

Would you have even looked at me?

Jeanne turns to face him.

                    JEANNE

That's the hardest thing you've asked.

                    JOSH

Why?

                   JEANNE

Oh my God. You don't understand. You're beautiful. I can hardly take my eyes off you. And I'm older, and I've lived more. I have all the power here. I touch you, and I'll overwhelm you. I'll stunt your growth, you'll end up gnarled and twisted.

                   JOSH

You describe yourself as the Wicked Witch in this tale.

                   JEANNE

Well?

                   JOSH

What if I came up to you and introduced myself? Isn't there power in that? And what if I started the conversation?

Jeanne turns away.

                  JEANNE

That's not what I'm scared of.

Josh puts his hands on Jeanne's shoulders to get her to look at him

                   JOSH

What if I said you were beautiful?

                  JEANNE

 I would probably cry.

                  JOSH

What if I kissed your tears --

                 JEANNE

You shouldn't –

                  JOSH

Why not?

                  JEANNE

Because then I might fall a little in love with you.

                   JOSH

And then I'd be powerless?

Jeanne walks away from Josh a few steps to break the contact and turns to face him.

                  JEANNE

Do you accept me for who I am?

                  JOSH

Who are you?

                  JEANNE

I'm 50 years old, I'm fat. I laugh too loud.

                   JOSH

That's just your skin. That isn't all of you.

                  JEANNE

I laugh a lot. I have to watch what I say sometimes.

                   JOSH

Go deeper.

                  JEANNE

I fall in love all the time. I don’t weigh the consequences of words. I fight a fatal attraction to people's darkness. I'm the strongest person I know.

                  JOSH

But who are you?

                  JEANNE

I am a child who talks to birds.

Josh closes the distance between him and Jeanne.

                  JEANNE

Why did you?

                   JOSH

I was hungry for touch. Did I hurt you?

                  JEANNE

No, you were surprisingly ... gentle.

                   JOSH

Good. I don't think I could stand it if I wasn't. But -- why did you?

                   JEANNE

I guess I wanted to be wanted. Not a good reason, I know. It's dangerous -- I give away all my power to the person who pays attention. Over and over again I replay my childhood, hoping that for once it ends differently.

                   JOSH

I guess I do the same thing. 'Notice me, I'm not insignificant.'

                  JEANNE

No, you are not insignificant. I don't know how anyone could make that mistake.

                  JOSH

But they do. To be a man, you're supposed to be tall, built, substantial. People look over my head to look for men.

                  JEANNE

Maybe they don't know how to recognize a man.

                  JOSH

Maybe they don't know how to recognize beauty, either.

Josh closes the distance between him and Jeanne; they face each other, putting their hands on each other's shoulders. 

(Pause) What if I said you were beautiful?

                 JEANNE

I would probably cry.

                 JOSH

What if I kissed your tears --

                JEANNE

I might fall a little in love with you.

                JOSH

Accept me for who I am. I am the tree and the storm.

               JEANNE

I am the strongest person I know, a child who talks to birds.

               JOSH

I am not insignificant. Don’t overlook me.

              JEANNE

Choosing from strength, it ends differently

               JOSH

I want to freeze time, I want to register every pressure, every breath. I want to see your face.

Josh and Jeanne embrace, and the curtain falls.