Day 4 Lenten Meditation: Passion

My idea of a creation story for this earth: The world was created in a burst of passion, with the raw materials for life combining in a great explosion of potentiality. 

Passion brings worlds into being.

When I write passionately, I create dystopias at times, but I plant the seeds for reclamation. 

Passion makes us reach out for justice.

When I see a kindred spirit, I feel passion for their presence.

Passion to live turns every day into love.

When I am most passionate, I come to know myself better.

Passion infuses us with becoming.

Day 3 Lenten Meditation: Risk

Without risk, there is no reward. There is only buckling in to the forces inside and outside of us.

Many examples of healthy, responsible risk-taking exist. Investing money for return on investment, dating, expressing one’s feelings, submitting creative works for publication, going up for a promotion. Confronting corruption and injustice, changing the status quo and being authentic also take risks.

Risk instills fear — of rejection, of failure, of loss, of negative consequences. Many people focus on the loss instead of the potential gain, and we call them risk-averse. Avoiding risk has its cost — lost opportunity, lack of progress, and a dearth of fulfillment. 

Choosing risk for its potential rewards may require changing one’s mindset with one or more of the following:

• Examining the fear against the potential return
• Believing that one will survive the worst case scenarios
• Feeling the fear and taking the risk anyway 

Without risk, there is no reward. There is only buckling in to the forces inside and outside of us.

Day 2 Lenten Meditation: Commitment

This is a hard thing for me to write about, because I feel the guilt of all the times I broke my commitments because of depression.

My enthusiasm (and hypomania) would carry me into trying to do something but the depression would keep me from following up. I overcommitted, I underperformed.

It took the medication for me to see who I wanted to be. I don't over-commit these days, knowing that the only thing that keeps me from mood swings is a precarious balance of medication. But I do commit -- to my job, to my marriage, to the things I believe in.

Commitment defines me. I am not just what I embrace, but what I follow through on.  

Day 1 Lenten Meditation: Prayer

I'll be honest -- I don't understand prayer anymore.

By "anymore", I mean "not since I got put on medication for bipolar disorder. I have bipolar II, and my prayer life spun between being elated and feeling like I had a pipeline to our perception of God, and being depressed and praying in vain. Things are evened out, and my logical mind has taken over and made me question praying.

Does God grant our prayers? I wonder what happens when two football teams pray for a victory. Does God pick his favorite team? Does God bribe the referees? Choose the team that prayed the best?

If God grants our prayers, we rejoice that our prayers are granted. If God does not, we don't say a thing. 

I'm not completely skeptical about prayer, though. I think prayer helps us find something within ourselves, strength or comfort or acceptance. I think that prayer fortifies us to help us face an unfair and unfriendly world. 

And prayer helps me find my keys in the mornin.

Lent: 40-some days of reflection

I will once again be doing #UULent reflections, even though I am not Unitarian Universalist and I'm not even sure I'm Christian these days given the bad name Evangelism/Fundamentalism are giving Christianity. I do like the concept of Lent as a period not of giving up but of growing up, and I feel like these prompts will help me focus on that outside of myself.  

These reflections will be on my blog for the next 47 days (whatever happened to 40 days of Lent?). Please join me in reading and reflecting, whatever your religious preference is. 

Wish me luck (short entry)

How do I feel about rewriting the entirety of Gaia's Hands?

Daunted. Relieved. Hopeful. 

The story deserves better than its current treatment. The characters deserve better.

But 80,000 hew words?

Wow. Exhausting.

Wish me luck.

Novel in need of resuscitation.

I'm contemplating scrapping a novel.

Gaia's Hands, my first book, needs so much help. I can't even explain why, except that it just isn't up to my standards. The B story (Jeanne and Josh's relationship) doesn't feel quite right. The A story needs a few adjustments. The magic seems intermittent and just wedged in.

All in all, I am frustrated with this story, even though I've rewritten it so many times it's ridiculous.

It's down to a short novel. Maybe if I cut enough, it can be a novella. I don't see it getting larger again. 

Wish me luck.

The Day I Became an Introvert. (Personal)

All my life I thought I was an extrovert. I loved hugging people, I loved being around big crowds of people, I loved to talk. But then, when I passed through one of my frequent depressions, I felt like crawling into a hole and not talking to anyone.

Fast forward over a diagnosis of bipolar II, and a life change with medication, sleep protocols, and other lifestyle changes (no alcohol), and my moods are stable. However, I've discovered what I thought was natural extroversion was actually my hypomanic moods, and my normal state was introversion.

Yesterday, my psychiatrist agreed that I am, indeed, an introvert.

This may be one of the hardest adjustments to make with my bipolar -- that some of what I regarded as natural aspects of my personality were actually traits fueled by chemical imbalance. This adjustment is harder than it sounds -- I find myself quoting a Myers-Briggs score from 20 years ago that is no longer valid, and it hits me with a small shock. 

What will it mean for me to be an introvert? 

Revisiting the Goals at the End of February (Goal-setting)

Here's my writing goals list for the year as of today:

Goal Sheet:

Short-term:

•  Develop a platform plan by March 1, 2020
• Revise Whose Hearts are Mountains via developmental edit by March 1, 2020
• Send 30 queries for Whose Hearts are Mountains by March 1, 2020
•  Send 30 queries for Whose Hearts are Mountains by April 1, 2020
• Send 30 queries for Whose Hearts are Mountains by May 1, 2020
•  Send 50 queries for Gaia's Hands by December 1, 2020
• Write/submit 5 short stories/poems/flash fiction by December 31, 2020
• Inner Child – January 30
• Kel and Brother Coyote Make a Deal – February 15  

Long-Term:

• Develop idea for next novel 
• Get an agent 
• Discuss with agent further books
• Publish my first book 
• Develop personal sales presence

I guess I'm not doing too badly. 

Short-term goals tend to build into longer-term goals, and long-term goals can build on each other. I'm currently working on the "getting an agent" part through queries, and if I get an agent to take me on, the queries section of the short-term goals will likely resolve itself. Publishing the book, on the other hand, will take years once I have a publisher, so it's really long-term.

Personal sales presence is something I can't really develop (other than developing a platform, which I am doing).

And I have ideas for a next novel. Almost too many, given that I've been advised to focus my efforts on shorter fiction. But I'll pick one by NaNoWriMo (November), then start writing it.

I may have to come up with more goals at this rate. 

A Glimmer of Success

Yesterday, an agent asked to see my full manuscript for the first time. Mind you, I have sent out hundreds of queries for my five novels. 

Let me be honest -- I have sent out queries for books that I hadn't sent through developmental edit or beta reading. I have sent out queries not knowing how to write a query letter. I have, rightly, gotten rejections.

I have learned a lot from my failures. The visual above doesn't really show the road to success because it doesn't incorporate learning from failure. One can work hard but wrong, and all that effort means nothing. 

This is not to say that I will get an agent out of this. I could get rejected by the other 27 agents I have queries out to. The agent who has my manuscript might pass. Hard work and learning from failures may not be enough. The book might just be "not what we're looking for".

But it's a glimmer of hope, a glimmer of success. I'll take it.

Writers Block (warning: very short)

I have writer's block.

Under the Weather -- Time for a Free Write

Under the Weather
I'm feeling decidedly under the weather (literally -- this weather is weighing on me) and uninspired. Not a good thing for a daily blog. I'm writing this because I know I have to write something or else I will fall away from writing the blog after 1000-some posts. And that will really depress me.

Free Writing
So I'm going to use this as a free writing exercise. In free writing exercises, you put your pen down on paper (or fingers on the keyboard) and you just write without editing. It's a great way to come up with ideas.

Here goes:
Brother Coyote and Kel are returning the twins (Kira and Nala) to Ridgeway III, a restricted planet. Thus what Kel is doing is borderline illegal, just as Coyote's leaving ridgeway III was illegal. Nonetheless, he's going on a walkabout of sorts with Kel, offering his uncanny talent of opening wormholes to her shipping business. 

One of the interesting problems they will meet with arriving at Ridgeway III is Coyote's mother, the Convener of the Moot (i.e. Prime Minister). Coyote's mother is a charismatic, expansive person who thinks Coyote and Kel are a good match. Given that they've just met and they get along like cats and dogs, she's sorely mistaken. Probably. 

Ridgeway III is a closed world through their own choice -- they don't want their beauty planet defiled by commerce, and they're a bit edgy about how outsiders will take their occasional inborn talents -- of which Coyote's talents are an extreme example. But Coyote is their test case, and Kel and Coyote have to keep his talent under wraps out in space.

Reflection 
Note how the free writing isn't that organized. That's okay; it will still make a good start of a story. I hadn't gotten these ideas hashed out on paper; now I feel more anchored to what this story will flow like. 

Mission and Vision Statements (Personal Development)

Mission and Vision

Mission statements for writers encapsulate who we are as writers. Vision statements propel us forward. It's nice to have both, because writers have to deal with a lot of delayed gratification. Missions and visions motivate, much in the same way as 

Mission Statements

I found source material that describes how to write a mission statement better than I ever could. Here you go. If you are not a writer and you want a personal mission statement, go here. 

Here is my mission statement using their methodology:

My Mission Statement:

I am a chronicler of an earth filled with unusual talents, both inborn and gifted.  My readers delve into their reading and love exploring the unknown and preternatural in their own world. I ground my fantasy with sociology, psychology, and humor. I write to create modern mythologies that could be right before our eyes if we knew where to look. I plan to write short stories and novels, and to obtain a traditional publishing contract in the next five years.

Vision Statements: I didn't learn them this way

Writing a vision statement seems a bit more difficult, especially as all the sources I read about writers' vision statements seem to refer to mission statements, and mission and vision statements are not the same thing. Vision statements describe where we want to be five or ten years down the road. This one, however, gets close, if a little long. For non-authors, this worksheet may be helpful for both writers and non-authors, but it will yield a longer vision statement.

I learned vision statements as a very short blurb describing one's future trajectory. Thus, my vision statement is shorter than those in the links.

My Vision Statement:

My vision is to be a published author of contemporary fantasy by a well-regarded publishing house. My works will introduce a modern mythology for the 21st century which detail the preternatural shoulder-to-shoulder with the mundane.

A Takeaway

Write a mission and a vision statement. Hang them on your wall or put them on the desktop of your computer. Use them to focus, use them to reassure yourself that the work is worth it. And tell me how it goes: lleachie@gmail.com

Once Again

Sorry I skipped yesterday, but it was a full working day for me. I sent out some queries for Whose Hearts are Mountains yesterday, and I will send some out today. And again. 

It's not the first time I've sent queries out. I've never received a good response on queries, but I keep improving and I keep sending queries out. 

I believe in my work. Maybe I believed in it too much when I sent the first queries, before I discovered dev editors and harsh re-edits. Maybe I believed in my queries too much before I learned to write queries (and I hope I'm doing them right now). 

I hope this time around is the time I get an agent.

Valentine's Day -- a whole lotta love (Personal)

Yesterday, I taught my personal adjustment students about love. No, not the deeper, profound experience of love. But I taught them that Valentine's Day celebrates only one type of the seven types of love that the ancient Greeks celebrated.

So, those types of love:

• Agape – love of humanity.
• Storge – love of family
• Philia -- love of friends
• Pragma – love which endures.
• Philautia – self love
• Ludus – flirtatious/playful love
• Eros – romantic and erotic love.

Valentine's Day only seems to celebrate eros, and it does so in a big, splashy, commercialized way. 

I want people to reclaim the other types of love for Valentine's Day and go out and celebrate them. Galentine's Day is a good start, for those female friends who want to celebrate each other. But we should be celebrating our families, our friends, our flirtations, the world. Wouldn't the world be better for that?

If you liked this blog post, please drop me a note at lleachie@gmail.com or @lleachsteffens on Twitter.

Every Good Thing Has Its Cost

This morning I read a note in Facebook from an author who spoke of the time-consuming process of promoting her book. She spoke of the responsibilities of social media, the realities of watching her ranking on Amazon.com, the need for self-promotion.

Reading it, I realized that getting published will have its price. Starting with the process to publication -- galley proofs, advanced review copies, building one's social media platform (which I have been doing as evidenced by this blog post). Then, when the book is published, some or most of the responsibility of promotion falls to the reader through social media, book tours, and sales at conferences.

Am I ready for that? I think so. I have known that being published, especially if I get published by a house with some presence, will be life-changing, and that some of that life change will be work. I'm willing to make that sacrifice.

So You Want to Write a Blog Part 2 (Personal Development)

So, I have a blog now. Do I just write?
Not exactly. You have to think about what you write. It needs to fit your theme and audience -- if you're writing to writers about writing, writing about politics will probably feel "off". You can be an essayist in your blog and write about whatever crosses your mind, but it may be harder to convey a theme in your blog.  On the other hand, John Scalzi, a science fiction writer with a multi-book contract, writes about everything from writing to politics. His blog, fittingly, is called Whatever. If you're as big as John Scalzi, you can write whatever.

How do I know what to write?
If you have a theme and an audience, you're doing them no favor by just free-writing. This is your personal/professional presence on the Internet. If you're a writer, it's a chance to market yourself. You can compose directly on the screen, but compose. cut and paste to make the document flow. Proofread. Read it aloud to yourself like any other document you want to write to impress people. 

The blog should not be too long, in order to cater to today's readers. I'm divided on how excerpts of novels and short stories should be presented in blogs, but I think that short excerpts are the best.

The 29th Annual Edition Guide to Literary Agents 2020 (Brewer, 2019) suggests that one should have a list of topics for six months or a year. This works great if one writes weekly; I write daily (which is insane, but so be it). I do have a list of weekly topics, but intersperse those with more personal observations about being a writer.

Other suggested tricks
The 29th Annual Edition Guide to Literary Agents 2020 (Brewer, 2019) has a chapter that presents several other reader- and SEO-friendly suggestions for blogs:

• Short paragraphs and headings, as you see here. This works well for informational blogs; not so much for narrative.
• An SEO tag in the title. I have a few that I use for my blogs, although I sometimes forget these because they're new to me.

There are probably more tricks, but I haven't learned them yet. I am still working on getting readership for this blog, but it may increase after I get published (I hope). 

Reference:

Brewer, R.L., 2019. The 29th Annual Edition Guide to Literary Agents 2020. Writers' Digest Books.

So You Want to Write a Blog Part 1 (Personal Development)

Writing a blog is an admirable pursuit. It's also a lot of fun. But randomly throwing blog posts into the ether is not rewarding, and the thrill will be gone soon.

Over the next couple days, I want to explore the things you need to do to start a rewarding blog.

First, find a reason/theme/audience. These options have similar aims: to focus your writing. This gives your writing a particular "brand" for people to follow. For this blog, my theme is writing, and my audience is writers and potential readers. (This latter purpose will step up when I get published). Despite this theme and audience, however, I estimate 50% of my readers right now are not writers, but may be potential readers.

Commit to writing. Continuity is one reason that people come back to a blog. Many writers commit to weekly blogging; that's a reasonable amount. For some reason, I write daily. I'm not sure this is a good thing, but one of my reasons for writing this blog (other than what's given above) is to warm up and sharpen my writing skills. 

Find a platform. Commonly used platforms are Blogger (where this blog is), WordPress, Tumblr, and Wix. Each has advantages and disadvantages; some have access to more options in the paid version.  I have used Blogger and Wix; I use Blogger because of its simplicity and because, when I tried to migrate to Wix, my readers didn't migrate with me even though Wix has a superior visual interface. But which one you choose is up to personal preference.

I will explore further blog-writing ideas and tips in the next installment and would welcome your ideas and tips in the comments or by email: lleachie@gmail.com

The Luck Factor

I need more luck. Of the good variety.

It occurs to me that my writing may not be enough to get published.  There are people who get published because they know someone, or because of some random set of events that get them to the right place at the right time with the right person.

I don't know anyone in the industry, so I'm praying for just that sort of luck.

I know every good thing is a two-edged sword -- the lottery bestows money, and with it, tension. A publishing contract would invite paperwork and other life changes into my life. But the status quo isn't necessarily the best place to live either.

So I am wishing and praying for the kind of luck, the serendipity that changes my life in a positive way. 

Equipment failure

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The Death of a Story

I lost 1500 words of a promising short story yesterday.

After a thorough search of my computer, it seems to have never been saved. I blame this on trying to catch my computer when it fell yesterday; my fingers must have accidentally hit the wrong keys.

I am in mourning. I know the exact plot points thus far; I even have them in outline form. I know the personalities of the main characters. I know the settings. But I don't seem to get the right words in place to set the mood.

The story is space opera, so it's supposed to be jaunty and humorous. But when I tried to rewrite it yesterday it just came off as sad. 

There's a part of me, a very superstitious and pessimistic part of me that thinks that I lost the story because it wasn't any good. As this is also the part of me that thinks I'll never get published, I'm working hard to ignore it.

Please hold me and my story in your thoughts today.

Free-Writing

I'm staring at the screen, wondering what to write today.

I have a blog to write. I feel totally uninspired despite two cups of coffee and a LED light block shining at my face. (I just made the mistake of looking at it, and a phalanx of dots is fouling my vision.

I have a short story to write. I promised myself five stories this year, and I've only written one so far. I have the idea fleshed out in my head. I just have to write.

So I'm writing about not writing. The irony is not lost on me. It's something I learned over the years -- if you can't write about something important, write about something trivial and see what happens. It's called free-writing, and I use it a lot.

Sometimes, to snap an idea out of my head, I write differently than I normally do. I use notebook paper instead of the computer. I write with a fountain pen (mine is pink with pink ink) instead of a ballpoint. Sometimes I write on black paper with bright metallic gel pens.

Free-writing opens my mind to the rhythm of words. Almost like the trance writing of mediums, it opens my mind to ideas. And, worse comes to worst, it's a great way to practice my handwriting.

So I'm here to recommend a different type of writing for writer's block -- nonproductive writing that's secretly productive.

More of the Winter Blues

I'm deep in the middle of the winter blues. I'm not severely depressed like I could be; I just don't feel like doing anything. The most exciting part of my week has been extensive dental work and I want to go back to sleep. Today's my busy day at work, so doing nothing is not happening.

I need to do some of my positive activities -- gratitude journaling (I keep forgetting), sitting in front of my bright light (it's next to my computer chair in the living room, so that's easy), going out to do work. 

What I really want to do is sleep some more. Not happening.

So now it's time for the next best thing -- coffee.

I guess I can brag

I don't have any novels published yet (my big dream). But here's a list of my writing accomplishments to date (over a time period of about 9 months):

• Honorable Mention in 48th New Millennium Writing Awards, Runner up in Cook Publishing 2019 Short Story Contest 
• Published in A3 Journal, by Riza Press (online) and Submittable Stories (online). 
• Second place in 12 Stories 2019 Contest.       

I'm a little bummed that I don't land first place in contests, but even in the completely unsuccessful contests, I've gotten emails that have said I'm oh so close. 

I think I'll be optimistic about this.                        

Vision Board (Personal Development)

On January 2nd, I made a vision board -- or rather, a vision book, as I didn't have any place in my room to post poster board. 

What is a vision board?
A vision board is a motivational tool using pictures and sometimes text to render what's most important to a person into visual form. This can be done in poster or book form or online, and could utilize photos, clip art, or other visual symbols. 

How does it work?
Many proponents of a vision board believe in the Law of Attraction -- that we can attract good fortune. I do not, largely because it seems selfish to me. I tend to believe that it helps me to focus on my goals and, thus, helps me to motivate toward what I think is most important.

What does my vision book look like?
It takes up six pages of a larger book that I should be documenting my success in. The pages are: Writing, getting published, marriage, teaching, research, and time management.

Does it motivate me?
When I first made it, it greatly motivated me. It felt like a ritual, and I'm a great fan of rituals. Now, a month out, I feel I need to look at them again, maybe on a daily basis. 

Do I need to make a ritual to look at it daily?
Most certainly yes. Or make an actual board to hang on the back of the door.

Writing about Pacifism (Personal)

What is Pacifism?
One of the topics I write about is pacifism. Pacifism is the belief that violence is wrong. By violence, we don't only mean war, but knife and gun fights; not only fights, but belittling and demeaning words. Individual stances reason through situations where violence, carefully tailored, is the lesser of two evils. 

Why write about pacifism?
I write about it because I think contemporary fantasy has a responsibility to write about those people not normally written about. In an increasingly militaristic United States, pacifists are seldom heard from and are relegated to the fringes.

Who's a Pacifist?
It's a minority belief in the US, held widely by Friends/Quakers (I am one), other peace churches like the Mennonites and Amish, and some Buddhists. 

What would you do if ... ?
Having a stance like that alarms other people, who counter with what they feel would be "aha" questions. Pacifists have generally reckoned very well about what they're willing to commit to under which circumstances, so they answer "aha" questions easily.

For example:
"What about World War II?"
I point out the historical conclusion that we didn't get into WWII to save the Jews; in fact, the US turned Jewish refugees away from their borders. We could possibly have liberated the Jews without all-out war. Wars are fought for political reasons, and people die en masse for political reasons.

"What if a school shooter invades your classroom?"
I've thought about this carefully, and realize that the protection of my students outweighs my pacifism. So I plan to grab a chair and wield it against the attacker, throwing it if necessary (and hoping adrenaline will be on my side).

"What if someone attacks you?"
I've taken a dirty streetfighting defense class. The idea is debilitate and run. Again, this is an imminent situation and fighting may be the lesser of two evils.

"What about a gun for protection?"
This is the slippery slope. When one has a hammer, everything looks like a nail. When one has a gun for protection, everything looks like an assailant. Child deaths and suicide are more likely in a household with a gun. A gun is symbolic of what we want to avoid in pacifism.

"Why are martial arts different?"
I would distinguish here between martial arts with a philosophy that one avoid conflict if at all possible and more aggressive martial arts. Asian martial arts, in particular, emphasize the former. If I were to learn a martial art, it would be aikido, one which uses the force and impetus of the assailant against him.

In the End
I sometimes wonder if setting Apocalypse in a pacifistic setting (the ecocollective Barn Swallows' Dance) is a bad idea for publication. As much as writers are exhorted toward originality, the noncombatants trying to save the world might be too much for mainstream audiences. But I have to remain true to myself, and writing what I know is part of that.

The Superbowl (Personal)

It's that time of year again, when half the United States watches an ancient ritual, where two bands of people battle it out for the favor of a grateful country. Yes, it's the Superbowl.

American football holds a disproportionate role in American mythology. It even has a holiday -- Superbowl Sunday, the purpose of which is to eat junk food and watch the game. 

And watch millions upon millions of dollars worth of commercials. People in the US actually rate the commercials and talk about them for days. I used to use Superbowl commercials in a consumer economics class to teach advertising techniques.

Personally, if I had TV, I'd be watching the Kitten Bowl instead. It's a painfully cute vision of adoptable kittens frolicking on a gridiron carpet. Less carnage, less change of long-term brain injury, and -- well, kittens. 

I will, however, watch the Superbowl (it's streaming online) because I live 90 miles from Kansas City, and the Chiefs are in the game for the first time in 50 years. I will don the catsup and mustard colors of the hometown team and eat guacamole and chips and rate the commercials. 

Happy Superbowl Day

Winter Blues (Personal)

Does anyone out there suffer from the winter blues? I'm suffering from the winter blues right now. My mood tracking app (Daylio, which I think is available for both Android and iOS) has been registering me as "Meh" the past few days. 

I manage to stave off the winter blues through the holiday season because, well, holiday cheer. I love Christmas, with its carols and greenery. But once January comes, there's two whole months with nothing to look forward to but the end of winter. 

What am I doing to deal with the blahs? Not nearly enough. Usually at this time, I'm very involved with seedlings for the gardens at this point in the year, and this helps me keep on an even keel. But we're working on getting the weed infestation out of the raised beds, so no seed starting. 

I'm drinking lots of coffee and eating spicy food. I'm eating too much and need to lose weight. I'm writing, and that always helps, but I don't feel like writing much. 

So what strategies can I use? I happen to teach a positive psychology class, so I have some ideas here:

• A gratitude journal -- three things I'm grateful about and why
• Doing good for other people
• Using my signature strengths (link to find out here) 
• Meditation

Be sure that I'll put at least one of those into my repertoire.