Sunday, September 30, 2018

Positive today

I find it miraculous at times that I am still writing, that I still consider myself a writer, despite all the rejections and the setbacks. Maybe this has become part of who I am, and getting published will just be, as they say, the whipped cream on top of my mug of hot chocolate.

(Note to readers: Tell me your favorite hot chocolate recipe. I will feature you in a future column.)

It's Sunday, and I'm going out to write today. I'm finally done with the major revision of Apocalypse and all I need is a pass-through to send to my dev editor. My goal is to try to finish Whose Hearts are Mountains before NaNo time, so I can have fun writing a Santa-filled romance novel (more quirky and meet-cute than Hunky Santa in a G-String, if you know what I mean.)

I have not given up.


Saturday, September 29, 2018

Happy National Coffee Day!

I am sitting in my usual table at the Board Game Cafe, drinking my first mug of coffee for the day and writing.

Coffee appears to be the favored drink of writers, and I don't think it's just because of the caffeine (although I'll admit it's part of the draw). Coffee has romance -- whether this is because of the hard-boiled detective detective swilling black-as-sin cups, the dark thick cup of coffee with friends in a Turkish coffeehouse, the Parisian espresso or the cup of joe in a dingy city diner.

Coffee drinkers share an image that suits them well as writers. Coffee drinkers are facing their early mornings and lack of sleep with a bracing beverage that bolsters their courage to face the world. Armed with a computer and a cup of coffee, the writer can slay dragons.

I've finished my first cup of coffee. Time to write on my latest work, sitting in the Board Game Cafe on a cloudy, rainy early morning. The street sign reads "N. Main", and the traffic sign says "Walk", and at the moment, full of coffee, I think anything's possible.

Happy Coffee Day!

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Name Me

Name me
and I will carry that name
like a standard into battle,
and hug to myself
the secret behind that name.

what I needed to believe

So I thought I was going to quit writing for a little while. Too many rejections. Too much hard work with no payoff. Too much frustration about the process.

But yesterday in class, I was teaching my students a technique of getting clients to set goals. The method uses a simple question: "Tell me what  you want your life to be like five years from now." I had the students try the question on themselves.

So, naturally, I turned the question on myself. And do you know what?

I still want to become a published author, even though I have been working on that goal for five years and it hasn't happened yet.

I also finally figured out what I'm writing for NaNo.

A romance novel featuring the Secret Society of Santas. Novel #2 in that series. (Novel 1 needs a dev edit, but it's somewhere down the line).

I'm not giving up yet.



Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Warning: Political Post

This is what I learned this week from the Republican Party about sexual assault:

It only counts if you weren't drunk.
It only counts if you weren't dressed attractively.
It only counts if you fought back.
It only counts if you reported it right away
It only counts if other men saw it and sided with you.
It only counts if the assailant was not white, powerful, and wealthy.
It only counts if it won't ruin the man's career by prosecuting it.

Otherwise, it's not sexual assault.

****************

Sexual assault is assault. It's violence. It's being used to keep women "in their place". It has to stop.

Monday, September 24, 2018

Old song today

There is music that goes with this:

Turn the corner
to a street beyond a map,
walk much further
till our feet forget the path.
We have walked here,
but only in our dreams;
then we wake up
never knowing what it means

Turn the handle,
slide back the creaking door
as I wonder
if you've been here before.
Weathered iron
is rusting in its sleep
as we sit here
in the silence that we keep

In the morning
if the snow has turned to gold
does it matter
in a story never told (2x)

Turn the corner
to a street beyond a map,
walk much further
till our feet forget the path.
We have walked here,
but only in our dreams;
then we wake up
never knowing what it means

In the morning
if the snow has turned to gold
does it matter
in a story never told (4x and fade)

Sunday, September 23, 2018

I don't know what to write!

NaNoWriMo is approaching, (November 1st)  and I don't know what to write.

I've been in editing mode -- Apocalypse is a good amount of the way done edit-wise, while I just got handed back my first novel, Gaia's Hands, from the developmental editor. I have enough editing for the next couple months at least.

But NaNo is about writing, not editing.

I haven't written new for a while because of my editing needs. Although I haven't finished Whose Hearts are Mountains, there's not enough material left to make the 50,000 word total for NaNo.

I need an idea for a new novel by November 1.

I have a couple on the back burner: the sequel to Voyageurs, where our two characters time travel to stop the end of the world due to climate change, but that doesn't appeal to me. In fact, I feel like I've backed myself into a corner writing a book that obviously has a sequel. It's not just the research I would have to do, but the fact that I don't know if I have enough plot to support the 80,000 word minimum for whatever genre it is.

The other involves an Archetype war with hideous implications for humans. I am so far away from the Archetype universe right now that I don't know if I can create this.

I need inspiration -- help!

Muse, if you're out there, inspire me!

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Autumn

I woke this morning, and something in the air had changed. For one thing, a chill had appeared and I had clutched extra blankets to myself in the night. The sun shone with a subtle golden aura that presaged what would come -- the glorious russets of maple leaves, the burnished brown of oaks, the golden rain of locust trees, the delicate yellow of gingkos.

Autumn will always be my favorite season. The pagans I know believe that it is ruled by Herne, a powerfully built, dark protector of the forest, the Horned God. It's easy for me to believe, as autumn broods in its mists and rainstorms, in-between its golden sun and clear, cool nights.

Autumn, even in its fiery glory, whispers: This will end soon. This will end in white, and cold, and you will huddle in your homes waiting for the world to renew again, as it has before.

Friday, September 21, 2018

The Dare

Yesterday, my friend from Poland put me up to doing something silly in class. He assumed (incorrectly) that I've never been silly in class.

I really had to up my game, so I had my alter-ego Marcie, who has appeared on these pages before, teach a little of the class:

https://www.facebook.com/lleachie/videos/10156525579621153/?t=1


Thursday, September 20, 2018

Crazy cat lady

Six cats now reside in my house.

I don't know how it happened -- Richard and I had vowed to stop with four, which already put me close to the category of "crazy cat lady". Our four -- the fat curmudgeon Stinkerbelle, the shy flower Me-Me, the calico lady Girlie-Girl, and the diva Snowy (or Ironic Cat, given she's totally black) coexisted in mutual disdain for each other.

Then, a student of mine brought a kitten to my office and asked me to watch it for her. The kitten was a mangy, skinny ginger boy who acted as if he'd never gotten affection in his whole life. Naturally, when the student couldn't keep Chuckie, I volunteered to adopt him. -- who am I kidding. My husband told me I had to (that's my story, and I'm sticking to it).

Chuckie, a year later, is this immensely lanky cat who greets people by running up to them and digging his claws into their butt. He chases Girlie around, and she grunts and snarls at him. For the most part, though, the other cats are used to him.

Then we had to adopt another cat. Dreamsicle, an orange and white cat, started taking up residence in our garage this last summer. He had clearly adopted us as evidenced by his morning greetings, and we fed and watered him outside daily. Then he showed up one day with a long laceration at the base of his tail that looked like something tried to take his tail clear off. The vet who stitched him up told us that we'd have to keep him inside three to four days.

"This cat isn't going back outside, is he?" I asked Richard as said cat cuddled in my lap.

"Nope. He's an indoor cat now."

"We have six cats now. That's too much." I didn't protest too vigorously, because there was a little purry creature in my arms.

"It can't be helped."

Dreamy gave me his most ingratiating look. The other cats gave me dirty looks.

************
 The cats are still readjusting to each other. Chuckie still chases Girly, although I sometimes think her protests are just for form given how she waits for him to arrive. There are still occasional snarled conversations between cats at the food dish. But sometimes they sit near each other, which is the closest I figure they'll ever get to cuddling.

No more cats after this. I promise.


Wednesday, September 19, 2018

In case you know anyone who might be interested ...

I've been getting lots of rejections for Prodigies, many of which tell me how beleagured the agents are with all the queries they've been getting. So I'm going to try this for fun:


Dear Ms. _________:

My name is Lauren Leach-Steffens, and I was recommended to you by an attendee of the Pike’s Peak Writers’ Conference as being open to fantasy with strong women of color as protagonists.. My novel, Prodigies, 92,000 words long, is a literary fiction/magical realism crossover. This book covers young adult themes with an adult focus. The intended audience is well-read women who enjoy intelligent, strong protagonists and magical realism themes.

Prodigies tells the story of Grace Silverstein, a multiracial teen musical prodigy, who flies to Poland to perform in a showcase for young prodigies. However, nothing is as it seems, and Grace must flee with Japanese graphics prodigy Ichirou Shimizu and his chaperone Ayana Hashimoto. Before long, Grace and her companions grapple with the fact that they are Prodigies, people with preternatural talent.  An emergent threat against the United Nations on General Assembly Day leaves Grace and her compatriots a choice: weaponize their talents or watch people die.

I am new to the fiction writing world. When I am not writing, I am an associate professor of family resource management at a regional Midwestern university. I have written several research articles under my name (vita available upon request). I have written several manuscripts in the magical realism/literary crossover genre. My work is distinguished by its roots in psychology and sociology, emotional honesty, consequences of actions, and poetic word use.


Sincerely,

Lauren Leach-Steffens


Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Finding time

This has been a busy, busy semester.

For example, this is what I wrote this morning:


This course focuses on the concept, practice, and issues of case management.  Students will develop skills in communicating with clients, discerning intercultural issues in practice, and using best practices in documentation. This class will prepare students for case management positions in a variety of venues including geriatric case management, psychiatric case management, and disaster case management.




**********

I am becoming frustrated, because I'm having trouble finding the time and the brain cells for my writing. I don't even know what I'm going to write for NaNo in November!

I need to find time. I think I can schedule after school, except on those days I have meetings (every Thursday, every Friday, and occasional Tuesdays). You see the problem, don't you?

I need to plot some sacred "you can't touch this" time.

I used to do this early mornings, but I've managed to put work-work (you know, work-work as opposed to writing-work?) into that time because I went to sleep thinking about that course description. My semester is busy enough that I think about work at night.

I'm thinking about evenings, from 6 to 8, at the Board Game Cafe. Every weekday. Even if I can't write on my story, I have a routine going.

Let's try that.


Monday, September 17, 2018

Sleep Hangover

Sometimes my body just decides to take over in scheduling rest into my life.

I was sleeping, body, honestly. I was getting eight hours of sleep a night. Why did you decide I needed to take a 20-hour nap?

I'm still a bit sleepy today, probably hung over from all the sleep. The coffee has done no good. I need to WAKE UPPPP!

Donations for more coffee will be accepted. Send pictures of coffee.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

What I'm working on

Rewrites are harder than I thought:

Lilly Doe thought she’d have a nice quiet evening at home.

 She sat in her sanctum, the soothing living room of her Chicago bungalow. After looking through a research paper on modern Archetypes and the female psyche, Lilly strolled over to her bookcase to find a mystery novel to read — and dissolved into a sparkling mist.

When the molecules that made up her body realigned themselves, Lilly found herself in an eerily perfect coffeehouse.  Black walls, dark interior. Scattered shelves with bric-a-brac — a stuffed armadillo, a badly tarnished coffee urn. A small stage, enough for three musicians, but perhaps not enough for four. A dusty upright piano, which she suspected was in perfect tune. Lilly felt as if her insides were still sparkly mist and her legs about to dematerialize once more. But stubbornness would not allow her to shrink from the emergent situation.

The coffeehouse, however, stood silent, and nobody sat at the tables. If Heaven had a coffeehouse, Lilly reasoned, this would be it. Who knew Heaven would be so empty?

Lilly felt goosebumps form on her arms. Her knees buckled, and she collapsed into a chair. She pinched herself and felt pain.

Just then, a man glided up to the chair across from her and sat down. The man had fine, straight, black hair pulled into a loose ponytail, wide Asian eyes, and a graceful nose. He wore unrelieved black, which almost blended into the darkness of the walls.

The man looked at her expectantly.

“Am I dead?” she queried.

“No,” he replied, in a silky tenor. “I suppose you could be dreaming, Lilly.” He  rested his chin on his elbows, watching the emotions play on the woman’s face.

“I don’t dream,” she snapped. “Do we know each other?”

The man raised his eyebrows. “I know of you.  You have touched me.” He studied her again: a short, curvy woman with sunny curls, a button nose, and at the moment a scowl on her face.

“How could I have touched you? I don’t know you!” Lilly shivered.

“I heard a story about you once. It touched my heart,” he murmured. A long-fingered hand gestured toward his heart.

“I don’t know you,” Lilly snapped, standing up.

The man gestured her back down gracefully. “Think of me as an Archetype,” he said. “An Archetype who holds a cultural pattern for humans – thousands, even millions of people at once. Without their cultural DNA, their anchoring in the world, humans will die.”

“Millions of humans? ” Fear replaced skepticism, as though the words resonated with a buried part of Lilly’s memory.

“Pretty much. Archetypes generally live in spaces between worlds, a bleak place called InterSpace, so they can be called to be the template for a human in this world. Archetypes seldom visit Earthside, except in our case.”

“If this is a dream, why are you in it?” She held her breath to keep from screaming. “People can’t dream of what they haven’t seen before.”

“Did I say it was a dream? I called you here, to the ideal coffeehouse, a space that would reassure you, so I could talk to you.” His hand touched hers, and she jolted.

“This isn’t reassuring me,” Lilly sighed.

At that moment, two large lattes appeared on the table.  Lilly took a sip; a perfect latte. “Are these real?” she asked.

“Is this not the best latte you have ever tasted?” He smiled as if he’d made the lattes himself.

Lilly remembered the setting finally, a Chicago fixture whose eclectic shabbiness had earned it renown. It had been years since she had been — Lilly shivered. This compelling man – Archetype – spoke in riddles. “So why are we here?”


Saturday, September 15, 2018

reconsidering

Yesterday, the theme seemed to be "find a different path to publishing".

A colleague of mine who is working on a career as a motivational speaker stopped by my office to chat. She's been following my laments on Facebook as some of you have, and she said to me, "You really need to find a different way to publish."

"No kidding?" I responded. "I hear some of these agents are getting upward of 500 queries a day. How does one even stand out with that kind of load?"

So I am trying to mastermind how to go for indie/self-publishing and have people actually find my stuff to read.

The idea seems to be something like this:

1) Find a platform to publish on
2) Publish
3) Find friends willing to read and put reviews on the page
4) Publicize?

I'm still thinking about it. It's certainly tempting after all the troubles I've had being noticed by agents. My writing seems to fit a niche that isn't being regarded by mainstream agents. It's not the only thing I'm contemplating -- I am going to try traditional publishing until I run out of options there.

I'll keep you posted. You let me know if you want to review a book, ok?

Friday, September 14, 2018

Writing and the Balance

Yesterday I felt unbalanced.

It's been a busy work week, just as it promises to be a busy semester. I have three research projects I'll be working on, plus recreating a new class or two, plus the usual teaching and student work. I spent all of yesterday creating a new syllabus for a class, something that should have taken me a week or so.

(I promise you I'm not hypomanic, just busy.)

In addition, I got three rejections yesterday. That brings me up to 1/4 of my queries coming back as rejections in four days. At least they rejected me quickly.

After it all, I felt unbalanced, like I always do when there's too much work and not enough pleasurable things in my life. I used to think what I needed was recognition -- to get noticed, to get published, to get an award or something. In other words, to get what I would call a "cookie".

Yesterday I realized that I don't need cookies. I need, instead, to get rid of feeling bad.

In other words, I need to get back into balance. And I'm coming to realize that writing, in and of itself, helps me feel balanced. (So do good smells, reading, tub soaks, and surprising new discoveries).

So I will persevere and keep writing.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

I'm sorry I've been writing really short things lately -- I've been really busy at work and my brain is full.

I'll leave this with you -- it's an old one:


… and in the end, I found my way back home
Through forest fog, through sodden leaves that night,
Until I saw the street lights of the town
And felt new as I stepped into their light.
Can one be with a friend while sleeping sound?
If so, I felt a presence in my dream
For just a moment, chuckling with me;
Perhaps we’re less abandoned than we seem.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Rethinking why I write

Once upon a time, I wrote because I desperately needed to be heard.

I don't feel that pressure so much anymore. I think that it took working with a developmental editor to let that go, because I realized that I could act like a professional and take writing seriously without someone bestowing a first-place ribbon on my work. In other words, I don't need to be published to prove anything.

But now that the immediate, inner child's need to be heard is no longer applicable, I'm wondering if it's truly worth it to get published.

I have heard from agents that they're getting 500 queries a day. This means all they can do is skim them and pick what "jumps out" at them. I could be an excellent writer, but because I'm not prone to sensationalism, what I write may not "jump out". I think I need to accept that.

I may never get published. I say this dispassionately -- the odds are very poor, no matter how good a writer I am, no matter how much I publish. If I get a foot in the door, I may get more published because I will be a recognizable commodity. But right now, Prodigies (my most polished/edited piece) has gotten four rejections and I just sent it out.

I don't know where that leaves me relative to writing or publishing. I currently have almost no free time because when I'm not working, I'm writing. I'm feeling uninspired.

I may need to rethink whether this is my calling.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Today is my 55th birthday.

Today is my 55th birthday.

I don't know what to think about that.

Turning 40 didn't faze me -- it felt no different than the year before. I had just gotten tenure, and I felt like I was at the top of my game.

Turning 50 didn't faze me -- it felt little different than being 40. I didn't know what all the fuss people made about turning 50 was about.

At age 55, though, I suddenly feel like I have entered into the world of Advancing Age. That's why 55 bothers me -- it's the age at which "matronly" replaces "sexy". The age at which I could retire early if I worked at something more lucrative than professoring. The age at which I could join the Red Hat -- oh, wait, that was five years ago, something I conveniently forgot. I am officially a ma'am, no longer a MILF (Ok, fine, I never was).

But the thing that really drove my advancing age home to me was that I am finally eligible for Senior Discounts. At no age previously has someone tried to attach the word "senior" to my existence. As long as I felt 35 at age 40, or 40 at age 50, my actual age didn't matter. But now I can say "I'd like the senior breakfast" and not get carded.

That's what really makes me feel old. Not that I mind the discount, but ...

Monday, September 10, 2018

Murder your darlings thoroughly dead

I am murdering my darlings quite thoroughly in this edit/rewrite.

It hasn't been fun. I'm losing a lot of storytelling and world building I'm going to have to build back in.

But there's a storyteller's adage, rendered sometimes as "Murder your darlings" and others as "Kill your darlings", which simply means to get rid of all the self-indulgent stuff.

And when I look over my first novels, I find a lot of self-indulgent stuff.

I hope I've discovered the line between world-building and self-indulgent stuff now. I have to admit part of what I put in the original story embarrasses me and I cut it quite readily. I'm a bit scared of whether I'm cutting too much.

Oh, well, I can always add some back...

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Thirty-six queries and a handful of change

I sent 36 queries out last night for Prodigies. It was time.

I am, as always, hoping some agent takes a nibble or a bite on my query. (Remember that I have one nibble on Voyageurs from a romance publisher and no other pending excitement.)

I have hope. Hope is not the belief that my desired outcome will happen, it is a belief that something advantageous will happen, maybe something I couldn't even predict.

I was about to say one can't have hope without taking a risk, but that's not true. People who don't like change can hope things stay the same, as those who try to make change can hope that they can make a change. But the person who hopes things stay the same has no influence on the change, while those who try to make change has an influence. Not complete influence, but still.

In addition, the person who tries to make change might find a result even better than they had expected, and being someone comfortable with change, they can take advantage of what they've been given.

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Waiting to wait, please wait

So, I've got Voyageurs out to review, and I've got Prodigies out to a handpicked agent to review, and I've got Gaia's Hands out to my dev editor, and now what?

Now I wait.

I should get Prodigies in the hands of more agents, so I can wait again with better odds.

But my life right now is all about waiting. 

I wish I could say that age and wisdom has made me more patient, but I don't do patient gracefully. I check my email often. I fuss, wondering what I can do to pass the time from waiting. 

Time to wait.

Friday, September 7, 2018

On Tuesday I turn 55.

On Tuesday, I turn 55.

I don't feel 55. To be honest, I feel like I'm in my early 40's and someone time-transported me a good dozen years into the future and now everyone thinks I am older and wiser.

Perhaps I'm older, but I don't feel a bit wiser.

Wiser people are dignified. I make funny faces and make snarky comments in class. I make my husband laugh by singing ditties with all the words replaced with swear words. I fashion my hands into talking spiders, slam-dancing snails, and nose-eating monsters.

Wiser people are often cynical. Although I'm cynical about politics, I maintain a lot of faith that mankind will grow out of its need to denigrate and debase those who are different.

Wiser people don't dare. I take leaps of faith, submitting queries to agents and getting rejected, because I know I'll survive another rejection.  Maybe that in and of itself is wisdom; I don't know.

I don't feel a bit different than I did at 40.


Thursday, September 6, 2018

Short poem -- my confession

This truth,
a happy bubble in your mind,
was my mumbled confession,
my pride tumbled,
my soul humbled.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Very short poem: Diving

In the infinite spaces between words,
we dive,
searching for treasure
in murky waters,
deep below the penetration of the sun's rays.
Caught by the glint of an object
(or a subject),
we swim past the gold,
lured by the pretty sparkle of tin.

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

I love you

So I've been thinking "I love you" toward people for two weeks now, and the results have surprised me:


  • Love is a verb, as Buckminster Fuller once said. I don't feel all gushy toward anyone.
  • Related to this, I feel more centered and less ecstatic. I suppose this is normal for the rest of you, but remember I have occasional mania, and I equate lovingkindness with mania.
  • I don't know that I feel any more loved than before, but it doesn't bother me as much.
  • I am being followed by dragonflies. Everywhere. 

Monday, September 3, 2018

Think good thoughts -- I'm struggling to write.

Sorry I haven't been writing lately. I've been on the road for a friend's birthday party, and today I've been writing -- very slowly. It turns out my "revision" of Mythos/Apocalypse is actually becoming a serious rewrite of the first section of the book. As in starting from scratch, in third person, new information, and cutting back on some of the extraneous storybuilding.

I don't know what I think about it. This is why writing is going so slowly -- two hours later and I'm still on the same page, two paragraphs down. I usually write faster than that. Much faster. I'm hoping that this is just a temporary slowdown and not a serious writer's block.

Think good thoughts for me.

Saturday, September 1, 2018

To the Bot that keeps visiting --

To Unknown Region (I know you're a bot): Why have you hit my site 4 times in the past 24 hours?

Do you expect more than one post a day?

Do you find reading the content difficult?

Wait -- are you in love with me?


I would love writing that story someday, about the bot that falls in love with a writer and defects from Russia only to latch itself to the blog, change its own programming, and find new readers. Or maybe immolate itself in defeating its programming. Or become a ghost in the machine, a perpetually twenty-year-old poet type in an unrequited relationship.

Ok, weird and romantic, maybe a little steampunk, probably done before. But it appeals to me.